I'm a Christian

We live in a world where saying, "I'm a Christian" comes with many consequences. Some of us are scrutinized for every choice we make, as if we're suddenly supposed to be without sin just because we define ourselves with these three words; while others around the world are beheaded for refusing to deny their faith in The Lord. So how in the world are we supposed to live unashamed by our faith, when the world is constantly throwing insults and forcing our hand into going along with things we simply don't believe in?

It'd be easy to simply run and hide; to worship in secret and in shame, to laugh or agree with immoral things despite having conflicted feelings in our hearts. I have struggled this with this all too well throughout the years. It started in my freshman year of high school. My mom, little brother and I all belonged to a great church and I decided to join the youth group. If you've ever seen any Hollywood flick based on a high school scenario, they more often than not include so called, "Jesus freaks". Out of fear of being cast into that role, I often hid or felt ashamed of the friends I made through church and I slowly but surely distanced myself from the youth group, until I was a part of it no more. Though my faith in God never wavered and I always believed in Him, I couldn't bring myself to stand up for what I believed in, in public so I put on a different persona to please others.

This carried on for several years and filtered into the early stages of my adult life. At the ages of 18through 20, I went through a very difficult time. After 26 years of marriage, my parents had divorced and in one year's time, they both had remarried. Both of my stepparents are wonderful people and I love them both very much but at the time, it was a very difficult pill for me to swallow and accept. In the midst of it all, I had also broken up with my high school boyfriend, moved into my own apartment and lost my little dog (my only true companion during a time of such heartache). I was very much struggling to find out who I was, especially in my relationship with Christ, and I lashed out often in many ways. Though I knew who God was, I believed in Him wholeheartedly and I really loved Him, I still wasn't letting my life shine for Him, out of fear of being outcasted by my peers. I knew that my actions weren't exactly in line with what I believed in and that made me afraid of being judged if I were to admit my beliefs to others. I could already hear their scrutinizing questions, "If you're such a good Christian, why do you do this, this and this?" So I often downplayed my relationship with God, despite feeling guilty for denying Him.

After having gone through such a difficult turning point in just a few short years, I really began to lean on my relationship with God more than ever. So when I met my now husband at the age of 21, I decided that I was just going to be who I was, without fear of what he might think of me. In doing so, I began to unmask the shame of who I was in Christ. 

When we got engaged a few years later, I was faced with deciding just how much my faith meant to me. In planning our wedding, I was put in a situation by voices outside of our relationship to essentially choose what mattered most to me- marrying the man of my dreams under circumstances that I wholeheartedly did not believe in or making the choice to stand up for what I believed in, and potentially sacrifice my chance at marriage. When it came down to it, I chose the latter, unafraid and unashamed. Of course I never wanted to hurt anyone or push an ultimatum on my fiancé, but I realized that I could no longer live a lie; that Christ had way more significance in my life than simply doing something out of fear of rejection from others. I realized that God's opinion of me mattered infinitely more than those around me.

From that point forward, I felt a renewed sense of dependence on God and of courage and confidence in who I am in Him. I also realized that being a Christian doesn't mean that I have to adhere to the world's stigma or judgment- that I am supposed to be without fault and sin and that I beat people over the head with a Bible every chance I get; that I have the right to suddenly judge others or that I'm somehow better than the nonbeliever sitting next to me. It doesn't mean that I live a boring and mundane life, that I can't go out with friends and have a few drinks or gamble in Vegas because I have to stay home and pray; or that I am without troubles. 

Being a Christian does mean though that I don't have to be ashamed because He bore all shame, that I don't have to fear rejection because He was rejected; that I am made right in His sight. I can stand up for what I believe in, unashamed, because of who He is. 

I am now unashamedly a Jesus freak.

"From now on, don't let anyone trouble me with these things. For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus." Galatians 6:17

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Do not be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows if widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband; The Lord of Heaven's Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth." Isaiah 54: 4-5

"If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved." Romans 10: 9-10

"So let's not get tied of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up." Galatians 6:9

If There's a Will, There's a Way

If there's a will, there's a way. A phrase we're all too familiar with. I've experienced this saying many of times but never have I been hit as hard with it as I was recently. I'd like to say that in the past year, my husband and I have been through so many changes but that time frame would be an overstatement. Really, in the past five months, we've had a whirlwind of changes; changes that we didn't choose to make but rather, were made for us.

Beginning at the end of May, my husband lost his job. It was devastating, to say the least. Anyone who knows my husband, knows how passionate he was about his job, so we were both hit very hard with the reality that his dream of being in this one specific career was over. Because of the nature of my husband's career, every plan we ever made for our life together was based on whether or not it would work well within the realms of his job. We planned everything around it- when we would get married, our move to Houston, when we would attempt to buy a house, and most importantly when we would have children.

Prior to the loss of my husband's job, earlier in May I decided it was time for a change and I chose to change jobs. Since my husband's job at the time was so demanding, I made the change in part so that I would have the freedom to care for our family whenever the time came. Leaving my job was an extremely difficult decision to make, if not the hardest one. I loved my career but I did what I felt was necessary for us by taking a position at a friend's company in a field I had never worked in before. The craziest part of both of our careers ending was the timing of it all- my husband lost his job four days before my last day at mine. While I had the opportunity to stay, I had already committed to leaving and I really felt in my heart that it was the right thing to do for the time being, the real reason yet to be known to me.

Looking at this situation and the details of how our careers both ended, there was no other explanation than this being the kick off of, "if there's a will, there's a way."

Though we no longer had the constraints of planning out the details of our life around a specific schedule, we weren't necessarily in a position to have the freedom to do whatever we wanted. Being that our lives had done a 180, we realized that we had to trust God and whatever He was trying to accomplish with us. Not to mention, my husband still had to find a job so whatever plans we wanted to make had to take a back seat to that factor. Thankfully within a month or so, by the grace of God and with the help of our friends, he came to work for the same company that I was now with.

With the cloud of his needing to finding a full time job beginning to slowly lift, we decided to pursue our plan of homeownership. Though we were still really struggling to adjust to our new life and we still had many financial concerns (not having health insurance being the biggest concern of all), we decided to press on, believing that this would relieve the financial tension of paying sky high rent. Plus, our lease was up soon and one of our goals in buying a house was so that we could move on to having babies. With our dreams in mind, we, along with our awesome Realtor, poured our hearts into our search. (By the way, if you've never seriously house hunted, consider yourself lucky. It's probably one of the most stressful tasks EVER!)

In the midst of attempting to purchase a home, I felt a strange sense of desire to return to my previous job. Only a few months had passed, but I really felt that God was telling me that it was time for me to go back; that whatever He needed me out of there for was done and I could return to doing what I love. So I made the decision in early August that after we closed on a home at the end of September, I would return to my career in early October.

Also in early August, which you may remember from my last blog, we took a little time off from house hunting to take a vacation to Colorado. Our trip was amazing! Probably one of our most memorable ones yet, for this very next reason- the day after our awesome hiking trip in the Rocky Mountain National Park, I found out I was pregnant.

Amongst all the hardest changes these past few months, this news was most definitely the biggest and most shocking. As hard hitting as it was, I couldn't help but realize that it finally all made sense what God was trying to do. He was trying to get us where we needed us to be, so that this baby could be. Though having children was always part of our plan, with everything that passed, that plan was pushed further and further down the line to where it almost seemed as if it would never happen. There was always some reason why we couldn't have a baby yet. At first it was that we needed to own our own home; then it was, we both changed jobs, we don't have health insurance, and finally, we're simply not ready yet. The excuses were relentless, which made me sad. All I could do was pray about it and so I asked God a month or so before I found out that I was pregnant that, "if there's a will, let there be a way. When the timing is right Lord, bless us with a child." He answered a lot sooner than I had anticipated!

Needless to say, it was still stressful after finding out about my pregnancy but we both had to put our hope in God and believe that He clearly has plan for this baby. In doing so, God has allowed everything to fall into perfect place by opening the door for me to return to my old job sooner than I had planned and He has since provided us with a place to live. Though the dream of homeownership hasn't come true yet, our new place is perfect for our life right now. There's still so much for us to figure out but if there's a will, there's a way.

Of the greatest things I've learned through this, it's that God does not let your excuses stand in His way. No matter how hard you try to push back, you can't stop what God has already decided. We often don't know where He's taking us but His plans for us never fall through; and if we're willing to give our life up to Him and ask Him to lead the way on His time, He'll make your path clear.

"In my desperation I prayed and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles" Psalms 34:6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to Him and He will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

This morning, as I was thinking of what to write, this song inspired me to tell you my story-
Sidewalk Prophets- Help me Find it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs

The Rocky Mountains

A few weeks ago, my husband and I traveled to Denver. During our time there, we ventured out to the Rocky Mountain National Park for what we thought was a short hike with our friends, Jennifer and Justin. Due to the recent floods that destroyed much of the area, we found ourselves accidentally on an expert level trail up a mountain. Too prideful to back out, we decided to give the hike up a shot, thinking the entire trip would only be 3 miles round trip (haha). We told ourselves that if we were too tired, we'd turn back before reaching the summit, though I think we all had the same mindset that we couldn't just turn back! 

The trail started out fairly easy. The air was crisp and the sounds and smells of nature were indescribable. Life felt truly easy. But as we hit 1/3 of the way up, the altitude began to hit me BADLY and it only intensified as we progressed. As we reached halfway up the mountain, my head began to buzz and my hands began to sting with pain, but I reminded myself that there was no way I was going to turn back after having made it this far. I was determined to make it to the top, even if it killed me (I swear it almost did!) In taking breaks every quarter of a mile (or probably more so every tenth of a mile), I was able to take in all of the astounding views that surrounded us. It was as though every step we took provided a new wonder to marvel at! I was breathless, not just from the altitude but from the sights that surrounded me, and we weren't even to the top yet. 

As we inched further and further, the task of simply breathing proved to become more difficult the higher we got. Not knowing how I could make it any farther, I began to pray my way up- "Lord, please give me the strength to make it to the top. I know I can do this with your help!" In my struggle to carry on, I was reminded of two scriptures- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". I repeated these scriptures and prayed to myself over and over again, all the while taking the time to look around to enjoy the perfection that surrounded us, thanking God for revealing just a few of his mighty creations to little old me. 

At last, we finally hit what we thought was the top of the mountain. The terrain was smooth and flat and we were all rejoicing for the even territory. We laughed and cracked jokes up until we reached the only sign we had seen since we began our trek, which read, ".2 miles to summit" and was followed by a set of stairs that seemed to have no end. WHAT?!? Seriously?! Hadn't we just reached the end? This can't be serious? Stairs after all this?

As frustrated as we all were, we were more determined than ever to master those stairs! I'll be damned if that .2 miles wasn't the most difficult task for me to accomplish thus far. It wasn't the physical aspect of climbing them that killed me, but trying to overcome my failing breath, decreased lung capacity and the mental instability I felt. It was nearly debilitating. Alas, we reached the peak! 

At over 10,000 feet in elevation, my heart rejoiced and tears filled my eyes. "I can't believe we made it!", we all said to each other. I can still feel my breath escaping me, not from the altitude but from the realization of the beauty that which engulfed all four of us. The view from the top was by far the most miraculous thing I had ever seen in my entire life. It literally felt as though we were the only four people left on the entire earth. There was not a sound to be heard other than that of our voices. Reliving the memory brings tears of elation to my eyes and words and pictures can't even begin to describe the essence of it all.

Sadly, the trip to the top came to an end and it was time to tackle yet another obstacle- making it safely to the bottom before dark, before the black bears began to make their appearance for the night. Ugh, seriously? Can't someone just pick us up and fly us down? Of course not, that'd be too easy!

One might think that the hard part was over when we reached the top and going down would be child's play, but that one is wrong! Not to mention, the guys (my husband being one of them) thought it would save us a great deal of time to scale down the mountain, instead of following the switch backs the whole way down. Well, needless to say, they were right but that's not to say that accomplishing that last task was not the most terrifying physical obstacle in my life. Despite my convictions, it had to be done simply for the sake of not being left behind to be eaten by a bear. 

As we scaled down the mountain, the views still proved to be astonishing! I was amazed as I looked around and thought, I am literally sitting on the side of a mountain, surrounded by God's artwork. It was remarkable.

6 miles and 3 1/2 hours later, we finally made it to the bottom. We all exhaled a sigh of relief as we painfully yet joyfully stumbled back to the car. Behind us was a mountain, that we just climbed to the top of! What a day! Emotions filled my heart and I was overwhelmed at what we had all just experienced- physically and mentally.

Through my Rocky Mountain adventure, I feel as though God revealed so much to me on a deeper level than I could have ever imagined. I've heard it all before but to experience it first hand was more than I bargained for when we decided to climb a mountain that day. God never promises us that the journey to the top is going to be easy. Sometimes in life, when we think our struggles are over, we're faced with challenges greater than the ones we've already come through. But it is by God's mighty strength that we can and will prevail through each and every obstacle we face. But God doesn't want our lives to be all about simply making it through our daily struggles. He wants us to take the time to bask in His glory, to take the time to look at all the wonders He has made just for our enjoyment, and to be thankful for ALL that He has provided even when we're facing struggles that physically take our breath away and seem too big to overcome. 

If you think the Rocky Mountains are the most beautiful sight to have ever been seen, or any other wonder of the world that God's created, think again. You are God's true masterpiece. You are the one He takes the most pride in. And that alone is the most humbling, overwhelming thing I took away from this experience. How amazing! 

Thank you Jesus.

Radical Discipleship

This past weekend, I visited Journey Fellowship in Llano, Texas, where I heard a sermon about Radical Discipleship that I thought would be perfect to share in part on The Worthy Girl's Guide.

What do you think of when you hear the term radical disciple? When I heard the term for the first time this past weekend, I though of someone who takes following and serving God to a completely unmeasurable and unattainable level, something that I could never do. Throughout many times in my life, I have struggled with not feeling good enough in one area or another. When it came to serving the Lord, though I knew God loved me, I never felt that I was good enough or qualified to do something completely insane for Him. After all, I'm just a normal girl who loves Jesus but also struggles daily to stay on the straight and narrow.

Time and time again, I would hear sermon after sermon on how important it is to step up to the plate and give back to the Lord and His church by serving. When I would hear these sermons, my mind would wander to the extreme ends of the spectrum on how I could do something amazing for God. I would ponder becoming a missionary overseas, starting my own charity for abandoned animals, joining the praise and worship team at church; you name the stereotypical extreme way and I considered it. But as ideas would pour into my mind on how I could serve the Lord more radically, the passion and qualifications to make it happen were lacking.

I came to realize that I was looking at things from a selfish, worldly perspective. Though I was looking for how I could ultimately serve God, I was looking at how I could serve so that I could be more confident in the way that God sees me. I wanted God to see me as an extremist for Him; to see that I'm good enough to do whatever it is that He wants me to do for Him. I wanted His approval to be a radical disciple for Him in the most extreme of ways. I wanted Him to see that I was qualified and to give me the spiritual desire to live out these services so that I could prove it to Him.

In Mark, chapter 5, we meet a man who Jesus cast a demon out of. The man, completely changed by Christ, begged Jesus to let him come with Him and His disciples. "But Jesus said, 'No, go home to your family and tell them everything the Lord has done for you and how merciful he has been.' So the man started off to visit the Ten Towns of that region and began to proclaim the great things Jesus had done for him; and everyone was amazed at what he told them". (Mark 5:18-20 NLT).

Was the man any less radical of a disciple for Jesus simply because he was not called to physically follow Christ in the ways that Matthew or Paul had been? Absolutely not! He simply was called to be a radical disciple on another level that Jesus saw fit for him individually. Though the man's call to serve had been different, it was not any less important than that of the Apostles' services for The Lord. The man wasn't invited to join the Apostles but he was called and qualified by Christ to serve, and he did it with just as much passion and ferocity.

In order to be a radical disciple for Christ, we have to stop looking at the self satisfying, extreme ways in which we can serve, and rather look at how God wants us to serve Him. It may seem as simple as praying for your friend, giving your personal testimony for Christ, or just by showing lovingkindness to a stranger, but these acts are not simple to God- they are awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping, radical acts of service to Him. You have already gone to an unattainable, unmeasurable level by choosing to follow Christ. Now it's time to allow God to show you what extreme, radical service He has called and qualified you uniquely for.

It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5 NLT

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10 NIV

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up heir cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life, will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it". Matthew 16:-24-25 NIV

In a World that Demands a Plan, Trust in His Plan

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find  Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile." Jeremiah 29: 11-14

As Christian's we are taught in many areas of the Bible that God knows His plans for us and that we are uniquely made and therefore, His plans for each of us are also unique. We have been given this verse among many, many others through this guide, so to speak, that was divinely written for us so that we can navigate through all of life's obstacles and find our way. We are taught many things by God in the Bible, such as that we are saved by grace and not by our good deeds, that as previously mentioned God has a plan for each of us, and who can forget, The Ten Commandments among many other commands that we are to abide by as followers of Christ, such as to love one another unconditionally as Christ loved us. The Bible truly is a guide to life's struggles and troubles but it is also a guide to redemption and a reminder that there is a better way to live our lives simply through Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father.

As mentioned, God has a unique plan for each of us. Though all of our plans are supposed to end with the same result, the Bible doesn't tell us exactly what our individualized plan is. It doesn't directly say to you, "Hey Amanda, you need to quit your job and go work for your friends' company." Unfortunately, though it does serve an astronomical purpose on how to live life, it just doesn't blatantly tell us what decision we should make or the details of the obstacles and struggles we're going to face. We really have no way of knowing what our life is going to look like tomorrow. Also unfortunately, this world we live in teaches us that WE have to have a plan for everything in life and it starts pretty much from the time we're born through basically the day we die. Here's a brief outline:

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Where do you want to go to college?
What career do you want to pursue?
When are you going to get married?
When are you going to buy a house?
When are you going to have a baby? (And then once we do have a baby, we're forced to plan their lives for them!)
How many kids do you want to have?
What's your 5 year plan?
What kind of health insurance do you want to purchase?
What kind of retirement plan do you want to enroll in?
When do you want retire?
Do you have life insurance?
Where do you want to be buried when you die?

I'm pretty sure you get the point that this world we live in practically forces us to make plans for our lives every. single. day. whenever we don't even know what tomorrow is going to bring! It is exhausting and frustrating. It seems as though no matter what stage in life we are in, we are faced with making a decision or a plan on how we are to proceed in order to get where we want to be. I am running out of breath and feeling tired even just reading those questions back to myself as I type (sigh)....

I am currently in the buying-a-house-having-a-baby stage of my life. I've found that the most frustrating part of this whole decision making is the pressure to have a plan and to make the right decision. It's almost as if you can't fulfill any plan in life and have just a moment to enjoy it before moving on to the next one and that sucks, quite frankly. And how do I know this is the right next step or which house is the right house? I know, I know, it's going to be an exciting time for my husband and I but it's also a very stressful time because well, we have to plan. What area of town do we want to live in? How much can we afford? How soon after do we want to try to have a baby? (Sigh... again.)

The bottom line is that every day we have to make decisions and choices whether we want to or not but it doesn't have to be as overwhelming as you may plan for because I believe God wants us to have a plan on how we're going to get on His plan . And in doing so, He'll take care of the rest. Here's how: we have to plan that we are going to remind ourselves that God is in control and allow Him to be; Plan to not worry about tomorrow, because it's not promised; plan to pray to Him, to seek Him and to trust Him to guide us in making the right choice, that He knows the plans He has for us and the desires of our hearts.

In a world that demands a plan, trust in His plan.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

The Glimmer

When God is trying to prepare us for something greater through our times of struggle, it's hard to be patient along the way while waiting for Him to reveal His plan and take us where He wants us to be. Just this weekend, my mom said to me that sometimes she wishes Jesus would just sit down and have a cup of coffee with her and tell her what His plans are. Though that would be incredibly awesome, I don't think one cup would be enough time for Him to explain all of His plans, unfortunately. However, I think it would be enough time for Him to tell us that sometimes we are so anxious to get to where we're going that we don't stop to take the time to enjoy the scenery along the way while we wait, even while we're struggling.

It's easy to want to jump to the next chapter in order to avoid the struggle it's going to take to get where God wants us to be. This is something that I have been really struggling with lately and the uncertainty of what's next has made it hard for me to focus on the desire God has already placed in my heart with The Worthy Girl's Guide while I wait for the next step. Truth be told, The Worthy Girl's Guide is one of the few plans in my life right now that hasn't fallen through, so I know that in my hard of hearts I have to enjoy the scenery along the way in a majority of ways, one of which is continuing to spread His love to women of all ages, shapes, sizes and walks of life through this blog.

As you may have noticed, a lot of my blog posts are based on my current experiences. One thing that I have always wanted to convey in addition to the principle that God loves us unconditionally and unfailingly is that I, just like everyone else to walk this earth, struggle despite having a personal relationship with Christ and despite knowing His word and believing in His promises. Some days I struggle more than others and some days I feel invincible and stronger than ever. I have never wanted my blogs to make anyone feel inadequate and I have never wanted to seem superior to others, as if I have overcome all obstacles thrown my way and that every day I feel close to God because not one of those statements are true. Recently I realized that it has been only on my strong days that I have felt the most inspired to write, as if my burst of strength has brought me through to the other side of my current struggle that day, week or month. So if you're like me and have been wondering why it's been over a month since my last post, it's because I have been struggling and couldn't find a way to write a positive blog about coming through a struggle when as of right now, I can only see a glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel during this tough time. While I'm not one for airing my dirty laundry on the Internet or for seeking sympathy online, I thought it was important that I write this blog to you because even though I don't have all of the answers on why we face certain struggles, I have faith and hope in someone who does and I have realized that, that is all I really need to in order to keep moving forward.

So my message to you today is this, no matter your struggles and no matter your uncertainty of how you're going to pull through whatever challenges you may be facing, know that you're not alone; God knows our struggles before we ever face them and it's because of this that we have already conquered and come out on the other side. That, Worthy Girls, is the glimmer of light that leads me on my way to the end of the tunnel; all I have to do is keep following the glimmer by holding tightly to my faith and the desires He has already placed in my heart, all while taking the time to enjoy the scenery along the journey.

You who have shown me many troubles and distresses will revive me again, and will bring me up again from the depths of the earth. Psalms 71:20 NASB

Hope in His Promises

At the beginning of this year, I attended a church service in which the pastor started out by encouraging everyone in the congregation to find something in the scriptures that they can ponder on and seek more of in the new year. As part of his sermon, the pastor preached from Romans 4, The Faith of Abraham. In it, my mind immediately turned to the hope Abraham held on to because of the promises that God had given him, which was that Abraham would be the father of many nations. It was then that the word hope stuck out at me like a sore thumb.

Through the weeks and even months that followed, I thought of what it meant to have hope in something. I thought of ways that we use the word in our daily vocabulary and ways in which the Bible uses it.

In our daily lives, we so often throw this word around without thinking. We say things like, "I hope to be able to take a vacation this summer", "I hope you feel better", "I hope I have time to work out tomorrow with my busy schedule". By using the word hope in this way, it becomes easy confuse it's true meaning with that of wishful thinking. This misinterpretation made it difficult for me to discern between the two and I was truly baffled at how because I have always used the word in the wrong context, I couldn't wrap my mind around what it truly meant to have the kind of hope that Abraham had. When I thought of the word hope in the terms of the Bible, two scriptures immediately came to mind- 1 Corinthians 13:13, which says, "Three things will last forever- faith, hope and love- and the greatest of these is love" and Jeremiah 29:11 which states, "For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Though I am sure that I have run across hope hundreds of times not only in these scriptures, but in countless others as well, and though it has been a mere six months since I decided to set on finding the true meaning of hope, it wasn't until recently that I finally discovered what it is that God intended by giving us hope. I suppose I needed to experience it first hand in order to better understand.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I were faced with an unforeseen challenge that has rocked our world. Through a chain of events, our life has made a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn and the plans that we have been making for the future have had to take a back seat to our new found circumstances. It is through these circumstances that I have learned to remain hopeful in what God has promised us; that He knows the plans He has made and He promises that all He does is for our benefit because He loves us. So instead of wishfully thinking for certain things to happen in our life, we can rest easy in confidence, knowing that by our faith we have already conquered our circumstances because of what He has promised for our future. And that is hope.

"And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you." Psalms 39:7

We put our hope in The Lord . He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord , for our hope is in you alone. Psalms 33:20

"Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping—believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, “That’s how many descendants you will have!”    And Abraham’s faith did not weaken, even though, at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead—and so was Sarah’s womb. Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God.  He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.  And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous.  And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn't just for Abraham’s benefit. It was recorded  for our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead." Romans 4: 18-24

A Father's Love

Daddy's little girl. The title paints the perfect picture of the father-daughter relationship. He is her hero and she is his angel. No man could ever take the place of his love. He treats all women, particularly her mother, with the respect they deserve and this sets the tone for the wonderful man that his daughter will one day marry. 

For some of us, this is true of our relationships with our fathers but for others, this type of father could not be farther from the truth. Maybe you witnessed your father cheating on your mother. Maybe you witnessed your father abusing his wife, a woman he swore to honor and cherish, or maybe you yourself fell victim to his abuse. Perhaps you never witnessed your father doing any of these things because you never knew him at all. 

No matter the type of father, as women, we yearn for the love and approval of a man and it starts with our relationships with our fathers. When we've experienced a not so great relationship with our own father, we either carry around the burden or we seek elsewhere to find the love we're lacking. For example, some of us spend our lives carrying around the heavy burden of our father's wrongdoings on our hearts, allowing this to prohibit us from having a healthy relationship with a man or with ourselves, for that matter. We feel unworthy of a man's love because we think to ourselves, "How can a man love me if not even my own father, my flesh and blood, couldn't love me or our family enough to be the man he should've been?". Some may try to fill the void by seeking love from men who are far from being worthy of us, yet we still offer pieces of ourselves to them as a desperate attempt. We relentlessly devalue and defile ourselves all because we don't know the true love of a father or a man. 

The good news is that we already have the love of our Heavenly Father and because of the love our God has for us, we don't have to carry around the scars on our hearts left by any other man! We don't have to seek his approval anymore than just by accepting him into our hearts and following his ways. We have father who, no matter our wrongdoings, will never leave or forsake us and who will always, no matter what, forgive us. A father who chose US to be HIS daughters; who thinks we are beautiful and wonderful in our appearance just the way we are. And because we have our Heavenly Father who loves us so greatly, we no longer have to seek the approval of a man because through him, the Son of Man also loved us so much that he laid down his own life for us that we could live in eternity with our Father. No greater love is this. 

You ARE already worthy of a Father's love. 

"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins." Ephesians 1:4-7 NLT

Chainsaw

These past few weeks have been a real struggle for me in many ways. I was sick and unable to eat much of anything, nonetheless exercise, which flared up my body image issues and made me concerned for my overall well being . I've been surviving on $8 in my checking account for weeks because I've been selfish with my money and not focusing on self control. I've been struggling with feeling lonely and I even made the rash decision to completely change career fields and will be starting a new job at the beginning of June. Though I'm excited for what God has planned in my new job, letting God's plan take effect was not easy. It's been a stressful whirlwind on an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Through the struggles that I've been facing these past few weeks, though I ultimately have the peace of God within me and do have faith that better things are to come, I'd be lying if I said it isn't a struggle to remember this throughout this process and I haven't been hurting, worrying or feeling anxious on the inside. It truly has been a real battle within. 

It was only until yesterday evening after talking with a close friend about some struggles she was also facing and how she felt that God was really trying to rid her life of things he didn't see fit for his plan, that I was reminded of a sermon I heard years ago, which was that God is pruning the fruit and branches in our lives in order for us to become the people he wants us to be. The entire sermon was based off of John 15- Jesus, the True Vine. In part, Jesus says,

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to the Father... You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name" John 15: 1-8 & 16. 

It dawned on me that through all of these trials that I've been facing, God is trying to work something out within me. He is trying to make me see the branches that aren't bearing any fruit within my life, the ones that are withering and steering me away from his plan and he's trying to nurture the ones that are. I have to stop the branches of insecurities from growing because I am wonderfully and beautifully made. I have to gain control of my finances by cutting myself off from making poor choices and purchases. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and start being thankful that though I'm lonely at times, I have a wonderful God that is always by my side whenever I need him and a wonderful family that would do anything for me. I have to trust in God that though the decision to change careers was not easy to make, I know that through prayer, it was the right one and I'm excited to see the fruit it bears. 

Ultimately, I just have to listen, remain in him and allow God to take the chainsaw.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can go and do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

Loving the World

Love. When I think of what it means to love something, I think of the stereotypical loving feelings that which are joyful, warm and positive. Rarely do I think of true love in a negative aspect. The Bible probably references love at least one million times. I don't know that for a fact since I haven't counted but I'm sure it's a close guess. In fact, I think it's safe to say that the majority of the Bible is all about love. In it we are taught many things such as the true definition of love, that God IS love, that we are to love one another and the list goes on and on to even including and warning us that we are to not love the things or customs of this world. For example, 1 John 2:15 warns us, "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you".

I will admit that I often say that I love many things that are of this world- I love pizza, I love a new pair of wedges in the Spring, I love vodka sodas, I love feeling the sunshine on my face, I love baseball (just kidding, I don't love baseball), but you get it the point- love is a descriptive word that is thrown around loosely in my vocabulary when explaining my affinity for possessions or a certain lifestyle that makes me happy and improves my quality of life. I don't think that it's bad or sinful because I know in my heart that I don't love them unconditionally- never would I die for them, nor do I allow them to have control over my life or my thoughts (okay, maybe the shoes... just kidding!). Regardless, I believe that God wants us to enjoy our lives and experience love and joy for these things so long as we don't confirm to this world, allowing our love for our them to dominate our hearts, ultimately causing us to loose focus on our one true love, God.

While I will freely admit my love for things that paint a warm and happy picture, I'm not so keen on admitting that I have found myself being consumed by other matters of this world that aren't as happily depicted. Often times, we allow our thoughts and desires for things that the world says we need to have take control of our lives and dominate our hearts, consuming all of our love. For example, we allow ourselves to be in love with money, power, having a worldly beautiful body, expensive possessions and an overall perfect, quintessential life to the point that we will do anything to attain them. We stay up late at night anxiously worrying ourselves with fear of how our future is going to play out. We stay in overly stressful jobs that we don't necessarily like because we love the money it pays and the social status it provides. We starve and beat ourselves up because we obsess over having the perfect image. We do all of this because even though these thoughts and obsessions don't feel like the stereotypical heartfelt forms of being in love, we are essentially in love and are infatuated with possessions and lifestyles that are of this world and not of God. We have conformed.

I don't believe it's sinful to have goals for successful careers, financial stability, a clean bill of health and a truly wonderful, enjoyable life because God wants us to be successful in His plans for us. He wants us to experience joyfulness and happiness, while having His peace in our hearts. What He doesn't want is for us to loose sight of His plan and let our love and our anxious thoughts for ways to achieve worldly possessions or a wonderful, worldly life steal our love for Him. So when you feel yourself slipping and beginning to loose sight of what's important, remind yourself that you have the love of the Father in you. All else is secondary to that love. When we put God first in our hearts, He will transform the way we think and He will provide all of our hearts' desires.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect". Romans 12:2

 

Take delight in The Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to The  Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you. Psalms 37:4-5

Stop Competing With Others, Start Competing With Yourself

A friend of mine recently decided to make some serious lifestyle changes by completely revamping her nutritional and exercise habits. During one of our many conversations about her journey thus far, she confided in me that though she's really enjoying these new found changes, she can't help but feel discouraged every time she walks into the gym and finds herself surrounded by a plethora of people who she feels are in better shape than she. While she was proud to be making positive changes, she couldn't help but let these sights make her feel lousy and regret that she hadn't changed her lifestyle sooner, allowing these thoughts to steal away her pride.

When you first begin trying new things, be it joining a new gym or trying a new workout regimen, it's easy to slip into comparing your physique and your abilities to those of others. Up until a few months ago, this was a very common occurrence for me, especially when I was seeing my results (the ones I envisioned myself as having) on others' bodies. I became envious of their chiseled backs and their ability to lift more than me and in turn, I became disgusted with myself, despite my vigorous efforts. The things I should've been proud of myself for achieving became things I was embarrassed of for not being better at in comparison to the person next to me. Eventually, the gym became an unhappy place for me to be and I didn't want people to even see me attempting to try. "What a joke they must think I am!" I would think to myself. The gym intimidated me and caused me to never step outside of my comfort zone, pushing me farther away from ever being able to achieve my goals.

Finally, one day it dawned on me through a simple quote I saw online, which was "Stop competing with others, start competing with yourself". I realized then that I had to apply this principle to every single aspect of my life if I ever want have any type of success. Sure, I feel it's fine to use others as my motivation and inspiration in some aspects, so long as I am not competing and comparing in an unhealthy way, but achieving my goals is not a competition between anyone else but myself- a competition to be better each and every day than I was yesterday- to lift more than yesterday, to run faster and farther than yesterday, to pray more frequently and harder than yesterday, to be a better friend, family member and coworker than I was yesterday. If not for that, then what am I doing with my life? What purpose am I serving?

Stop basing your self-worth and value on what the person next to you is achieving. Instead, start looking within yourself and being proud what YOU'RE achieving! From that will come success.

"Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct."  Galatians 6:4-5

Forgiveness

Forgiveness: It can be difficult, to say the least. Granted, it can feel much easier to forgive someone when they've admitted their wrong doings and have outright asked for your forgiveness. But what if they haven't? Or what if they have apologized to you but it wasn't the sincere apology you were hoping for, as though they said it just to get you off their back? What if the person asking you for forgiveness is yourself, but you’re too ashamed to free yourself of the guilt? Are we justified in continuing to hold onto grudges for any of these reasons?

We may never receive the apologies that we hope for or feel we deserve from others but that doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't still forgive. Likewise, we can't continue to destroy our minds with anger and guilt over the things we've done to ourselves or to others. We have to find a way to forgive because no matter the crime, as Christians, we are all worthy of forgiveness. Why, you might ask? Think about it, Jesus Christ laid down His life for you and me so that we may be washed clean and forgiven of our sins by His amazing grace. As Christians, nothing, except refraining from forgiving others, can stop God from forgiving you, so why should anything else stop you?

“Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all.” Psalms 65:3

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6: 14-15

I know what you might be thinking, "But you don't understand! I've done terrible, unspeakable things that have caused such harm. I could never let go of the guilt and shame I feel.” Or, "He caused me so much unspeakable physical and emotional pain that I swore I'd never forgive him for this! He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness." Maybe you were abused sexually, physically or emotionally, or maybe the abuse was self-inflicted with drugs or alcohol or even morbid obesity and mistreatment of your body; whatever the crime may be or whomever it may be against, forgive. For those who have caused harm to you, forgive them and leave the punishment and judgment up to your Heavenly Father to take care of for you.

Forgiveness, be it by God or by you, in no way means that the act of sin is okay and without consequence or punishment, nor does it mean that you have to stay in a bad situation where you are experiencing harm or turmoil, or that we should live life aimlessly and allow sin to control us, purposely taking advantage of God’s grace. No, forgiveness is the act of freeing yourself from the power of sin because we have been redeemed by Him who lives in us. We no longer have to be controlled by sin or shame because we are forgiven.

“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.  The Law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.  So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins.  He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit.  So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” Romans 8: 1:6

“Brothers, listen! We are here to proclaim that through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins.” Acts 13:38

Are we ever going to talk about this?

Lately, I've had a lot of things on my mind; things that I just can't seem to wrap my mind around or shake off. Instead of talking to God about these things and asking Him to help me, I've been stubbornly internalizing my struggles and talking with everyone else about them but God.

This morning as I was pondering over all of these troubles during my makeup regimen, God finally decided to ask me a question that I've been avoiding- "Are we ever going to talk about this?" Hearing His question come across very blatantly, it immediately dawned on me that I've been so selfishly focusing on worrying myself with these thoughts and problems, that I've put turning to Him in prayer on the backburner. It's so stupid of me to just completely shut myself off from His abilities to help me over these struggles, particularly when there are hundreds upon hundreds of scriptures that make it very clear the importance and power of prayer. One of these in particular being 1 Thessalonians 5:17, which says very concisely to, "Never stop praying."

 

Though I bookmarked this scripture in my Bible months ago, these three little words were like a slap in the face to me this morning after hearing God's question. Regardless of whatever I'm going through in life, despite the good, bad and the ugly, I need to pray. So, for the next hour and a half, I emotionally exhausted myself in conversation with Him. It felt great to finally just be able to speak freely to my savior about everything that's been bothering me over the last few days, weeks and months, even. I held nothing back in confessing my emotions and worries to Him, even admitting my anger and frustration over certain things. In turn, God helped me to realize many solutions, such as things that I need to either work on within myself, unresolved arguments that I need to let go of, and things that I just need to trust Him to handle. 

Unlike talking to a friend or confidant, when we talk to God through prayer, we don't have to worry about being judged for our thoughts, or worry about keeping ourselves poised in our emotions because He already knows all of our struggles, fears and concerns; all He asks is for us to speak to Him freely about whatever may be on our minds so that He can in turn, provide us with whatever we need, even if it's just a shoulder to lean on. I think often times, we put too much pressure on ourselves when it comes to praying whenever prayer is simply having a private and personal conversation with God. 

 

“When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do.They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!" Matthew 2:6-7

In the book of Samuel, Hannah found anguish and heartache over the fact that she did not have a child of her own. After becoming so upset over being mistreated by her husband's other wife, who had two children with their husband, Hannah decided to do the only thing she could, which was pour her heart out to The Lord in prayer. She prayed so feverishly, that Eli (the priest of the Tabernacle), accused her of being drunk with wine, to which Hannah replied, “Oh no, sir! I haven’t been drinking wine or anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord. Don’t think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.” (1 Samuel 1:15-16) Eli instructed Hannah to continue praying, to which she did. Once she was finished, she no longer felt discouraged and was at peace! Low and behold, not only did God bless her with relief in prayer, but he also gave her what she asked for- a son, whom she named Samuel. 

God doesn't care where you are in your life, whether or not you've been to church that Sunday or how long it's been since you've confessed your sins to Him, he doesn't even care how you do it- be it in your home or on your commute to work- He just wants you to talk to Him about whatever it is you're going through or whatever you may need in your life. You are and will always be worthy of His time through prayer, regardless of your circumstances.

So, when are you going to talk about it with him? 

Choices

While I am a firm believer that God has a master plan and that many of the things we experience in life are part of that plan, I also believe that He has blessed us with the ability to choose not only how straight that path will be based on the choices we make, but to also choose whether or not to even follow. Though we'll never be able to fathom how great God's plans are or the steps He's already determined for us, we cannot live our lives aimlessly, without purpose, intent or effort and expect God to roll out the red carpet for us. We have to intentionally and deliberately choose to put forth the effort to not only follow His will by obeying Him but to also choose to put our trust in Him to direct us in the right direction.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all that you do and He will make your paths straight- Proverbs 3:5-6

The Bible teaches us in Galatians 6:5, that we are "each responsible for our own conduct". When we fall short of God's standards with the choices we make (which is bound to happen) we have to live with whatever the consequences and outcomes are. When we intentionally do things like ruining our health goals by constantly making poor nutritional choices on a daily basis, we cannot blame the negative results on anyone else but ourselves, nor can we sit and wallow in self-misery. We have to accept responsibility for our choices and trust God to help us figure out how to either live with the outcomes or make the changes that are necessary for us to get back on His path. The beauty is that each and every time we fall, we are saved by God's grace and are given the opportunity for second chances, all because Jesus Christ lived and died for us.

We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.

- Acts 15:11

Because we are saved by His grace, no failure, poor choice or struggle goes to waste. God is always going to find a way to use these things for our benefit and for His glory."We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9

Despite all of the things God does to redirect our paths, we still have to continue to put in the effort to do His will. In doing so, we will prevail on the path of least resistance. "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up." Galatians 6:9

 

Every day the choices you make say what you are and who your heart beats for, it's an open door, it's your life.

- Francesca Battistelli

 

 



Let Your Weaknesses be Your Motivators and Accelerators

 

 I recently joined a boxing gym, which is very quickly becoming my new favorite work out! Unfortunately, being a newbie to something as intense as boxing has its ups and downs. The downside for me has been injuring my wrist just a few sessions in. The terrible thing is that the injury wasn't even from throwing punches but from doing burpees, an exercise that I am very familiar with but also have an infamous love/hate relationship with; actually, I'd say it teeters more on hate, especially now. Low and behold, I got a little ahead of myself one night at boxing and rushed into the burpees too quickly without placing my palms softly on the ground. And now, here I sit with an injured wrist.

 

While I don't think it's anything too serious, it still means that the physical activities I love to do (weight-lifting and boxing) have to take a back seat until I've recovered. Needless to say, it's been a really tough pill to swallow these past few days emotionally. All that I've been able to think about are my inabilities and I have become overly obsessed with the what-ifs... What if it's a more serious injury and I'm unable to do what I love for several more weeks? What if I gain weight or fall back on my progress instantaneously from not being able to lift weights or box? Even though these are ridiculous, unsubstantiated concerns, the worries continue on and on inside my head and my injury begins to make every body image issue of mine come back to life and take control of me, yet again.

 

Throughout the healing process, I've come to realize that I have to stop letting this injury become my excuse for having a poor attitude and an excuse for allowing my spiritual, nutritional and physical health plummet, which is what was beginning to happen. Just because I may be experiencing a weakness, doesn't mean that I get an automatic pass from continuing to strive towards achieving my goals. This is exactly what the devil wants of me in order to achieve his goals- He wants me to have a poor body image, an overall unhealthy lifestyle and to think of all of the negative outcomes over this injury. These thoughts ultimately allow him to take my attention away from God and the desires that He has for me when it comes to my relationship with Him and with my health. So, I've decided it's time for me to call in the bouncers and kick myself out of this pity party the devil is throwing for me and instead, it's time for me to RSVP to God's party. My ticket to entering this heavenly event is simply just being thankful.
 

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

When you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start being thankful in all things, you can use your weaknesses as your motivators and accelerators in all areas of your life, be they incapable or capable areas, and God will make sure of that!

 

"Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights."  Habakkuk 3:17-19 

 

Though I may not have use of my wrist at the moment, it's not the end all be all towards achieving my overall goals. After all, I do still have two very capable legs, that which I am very thankful for. On Sunday, I used this as motivation to pick myself up off the couch and go for a run. What started out as a 1 mile run, turned into a 3.1 mile run! I never run but simply being thankful and using my weakness as a motivation in turn accelerated me into doing more than I thought I was physically capable of. Having an injured wrist is not an excuse to neglect my physical health whenever I am physically capable of achievement in so many other ways.

 

I am also thankful that even though my physical activity is limited, I am still in control of my nutritional health. So I am using this time to motivate myself to practicing what I preach, which is that nutritional health is overall more important that physical health. This will accelerate me into focusing more on the importance of healthy eating, regardless of exercise. Having an injured wrist is not an excuse to make unhealthy nutritional choices.

I am also thankful that I can use this time of healing to refocus my sights on God. Health and fitness may be two of my passions but nothing should stand in the way of my passion for Christ, which is what obsessing over my inability to exercise was beginning to do. Sometimes, it can be easy to let your nutritional and physical health have control over your thoughts, putting what's most important, such as your relationship with God, on the backburner. By using my weakness as a motivator towards refocusing my sights on Christ, I can accelerate myself into a deeper relationship with Him, which is the end all, be all. Having an injured wrist is not an excuse to neglect my relationship with Him, despite any of the circumstances.

"Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come." 1 Timothy 4:8

 

Regardless of my injury and inabilities, and these negative thoughts and worries that have taken control over me recently (and probably will continue to try to do so throughout my life) nothing can ever separate me from God's love for me or change the worth that He has for me. That is the greatest blessing of all! That alone is the greatest motivator and accelerator towards overcoming any of my weaknesses!

 

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.")  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,  neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8: 35-39

Regardless of your weakness, let it be your motivator and accelerator, not your excuse.

 

 

 

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

 

 

Do you ever have those types of fights with a loved one where you instantaneously react out of anger and say something you don't mean? Do you then find yourself self-loathing afterwards, beating yourself up emotionally and feeling guilty for the days to follow, even though they've forgiven you and moved on? This is a very common occurrence for me and I've decided to get down to the bottom of it by asking myself two very important questions: One, why do I continuously say things that I don't mean to a loved one and two, why do I beat myself up emotionally afterwards, unable to shed the guilt even if they've forgiven me?

 

I am going to be completely honest with you- A vast majority of the things I say that I don't mean are said when I'm under the influence of alcohol. It's very hard for me to control my emotions after a few drinks and any issue that I'm having has no problem bursting through. So, therein lies a huge part of the problem. Obviously your first piece of advice to me would be, "don't drink if you can't control your emotions", and you're partially right for many reasons. Alcohol can truly bring out our inner demons and I am no innocent party to that. I believe that the devil preys upon our weaknesses and when we drink, we become weak and subject to his tyranny. I have to learn to remain in control by shutting him out and if that means by not drinking, then so be it.

 

Regardless of whether or not there is alcohol involved, it's important to deal with my emotions or grievances with another person in a healthy manner. I often bottle up issues because I'm too afraid to speak openly, for fear of embarrassment over the topic or fear that I'll open up a can of worms to a world of other issues. I also shut myself off from talking about issues for fear of hurting the other person (what a catch 22!) Putting too much pressure on ourselves to keep these emotions on lock down does nothing beneficial for us and our relationships with others. Whether we indulge in the occasional adult beverage or not, one day we're bound to burst with rage, unable to control ourselves and our tongues, which results in us saying those mean and hateful things that we simply don't feel in our hearts.

So to answer my first question, I continuously say mean and hateful things that I don't mean because for whatever reason I am afraid to speak honestly about how I'm really feeling. I allow these frustrations and emotions to have control over me. In order to put this to a halt, I have to learn to address my issues with the other person in a healthier, more honest way. Truth be told, it could be just what my relationship needs to propel itself into the next level of love. God wants us to live at peace and unity with another, even if that means agreeing to disagree in order to make it happen.

 

"But I say, if you are even angry with someone,  you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot,  you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone,  you are in danger of the fires of hell. “So if you are presenting a sacrifice  at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God." Matthew 5:22-24

 

"Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.  Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.  Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

 

Furthermore and most importantly, I have to try to have control over my tongue and temper when I'm addressing these issues and I need to do this in whatever way I can, whether it's by praying beforehand, by writing my feelings down or by not talking about these issues when I've been drinking, even if that does seem like it might make it easier to talk about things at first.

 

"Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way... In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.  And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish,  but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. James 3:2, 5-8

 

Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper— it only leads to harm.
Psalms 37:8

"So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.  Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.  Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit," Ephesians 5:15-18

 

If I can implement these standards that God has for me, then I'm well on my way to saying what I mean and meaning what I say, while finding unity with my loved one. But in those times that I do slip up and allow rage to take control of my tongue, how can I forgive myself and let go of the guilt that I feel for hurting this person that I love so deeply? Am I even worthy of my own forgiveness and of God's forgiveness?

It's hard for me not to become angry and ashamed that I've allowed myself to fall short of the standards that God has for me. I am a perfectionist so sometimes it can be a struggle in itself to accept the fact that I am human and I will not ever be without fault. However, the great thing about God's grace is that I get to have a do-over every single time that I fail, regardless of how many times it happens. Of course this doesn't mean that I shouldn't strive to be better altogether for God's glory or for the sake of my loved ones, but God has given me the opportunity to pick myself up and try again with a clean slate, regardless if the person I've hurt forgives me. I have to find peace within myself by knowing that Christ paid the ultimate price in order for me to be given this kind of opportunity. I can't waste it by wallowing in my own shame. I have to realize that I am worthy of His forgiveness and His grace, despite my shortcomings. If a being as powerful as God can forgive me, then there's no reason why I can't forgive me for my faults either.

"When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God.  So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus." Romans 6:10-11

 

"We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.”

Acts 15:11