Chainsaw

These past few weeks have been a real struggle for me in many ways. I was sick and unable to eat much of anything, nonetheless exercise, which flared up my body image issues and made me concerned for my overall well being . I've been surviving on $8 in my checking account for weeks because I've been selfish with my money and not focusing on self control. I've been struggling with feeling lonely and I even made the rash decision to completely change career fields and will be starting a new job at the beginning of June. Though I'm excited for what God has planned in my new job, letting God's plan take effect was not easy. It's been a stressful whirlwind on an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Through the struggles that I've been facing these past few weeks, though I ultimately have the peace of God within me and do have faith that better things are to come, I'd be lying if I said it isn't a struggle to remember this throughout this process and I haven't been hurting, worrying or feeling anxious on the inside. It truly has been a real battle within. 

It was only until yesterday evening after talking with a close friend about some struggles she was also facing and how she felt that God was really trying to rid her life of things he didn't see fit for his plan, that I was reminded of a sermon I heard years ago, which was that God is pruning the fruit and branches in our lives in order for us to become the people he wants us to be. The entire sermon was based off of John 15- Jesus, the True Vine. In part, Jesus says,

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to the Father... You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name" John 15: 1-8 & 16. 

It dawned on me that through all of these trials that I've been facing, God is trying to work something out within me. He is trying to make me see the branches that aren't bearing any fruit within my life, the ones that are withering and steering me away from his plan and he's trying to nurture the ones that are. I have to stop the branches of insecurities from growing because I am wonderfully and beautifully made. I have to gain control of my finances by cutting myself off from making poor choices and purchases. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and start being thankful that though I'm lonely at times, I have a wonderful God that is always by my side whenever I need him and a wonderful family that would do anything for me. I have to trust in God that though the decision to change careers was not easy to make, I know that through prayer, it was the right one and I'm excited to see the fruit it bears. 

Ultimately, I just have to listen, remain in him and allow God to take the chainsaw.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can go and do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10