Chainsaw

These past few weeks have been a real struggle for me in many ways. I was sick and unable to eat much of anything, nonetheless exercise, which flared up my body image issues and made me concerned for my overall well being . I've been surviving on $8 in my checking account for weeks because I've been selfish with my money and not focusing on self control. I've been struggling with feeling lonely and I even made the rash decision to completely change career fields and will be starting a new job at the beginning of June. Though I'm excited for what God has planned in my new job, letting God's plan take effect was not easy. It's been a stressful whirlwind on an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Through the struggles that I've been facing these past few weeks, though I ultimately have the peace of God within me and do have faith that better things are to come, I'd be lying if I said it isn't a struggle to remember this throughout this process and I haven't been hurting, worrying or feeling anxious on the inside. It truly has been a real battle within. 

It was only until yesterday evening after talking with a close friend about some struggles she was also facing and how she felt that God was really trying to rid her life of things he didn't see fit for his plan, that I was reminded of a sermon I heard years ago, which was that God is pruning the fruit and branches in our lives in order for us to become the people he wants us to be. The entire sermon was based off of John 15- Jesus, the True Vine. In part, Jesus says,

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to the Father... You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name" John 15: 1-8 & 16. 

It dawned on me that through all of these trials that I've been facing, God is trying to work something out within me. He is trying to make me see the branches that aren't bearing any fruit within my life, the ones that are withering and steering me away from his plan and he's trying to nurture the ones that are. I have to stop the branches of insecurities from growing because I am wonderfully and beautifully made. I have to gain control of my finances by cutting myself off from making poor choices and purchases. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and start being thankful that though I'm lonely at times, I have a wonderful God that is always by my side whenever I need him and a wonderful family that would do anything for me. I have to trust in God that though the decision to change careers was not easy to make, I know that through prayer, it was the right one and I'm excited to see the fruit it bears. 

Ultimately, I just have to listen, remain in him and allow God to take the chainsaw.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can go and do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

Loving the World

Love. When I think of what it means to love something, I think of the stereotypical loving feelings that which are joyful, warm and positive. Rarely do I think of true love in a negative aspect. The Bible probably references love at least one million times. I don't know that for a fact since I haven't counted but I'm sure it's a close guess. In fact, I think it's safe to say that the majority of the Bible is all about love. In it we are taught many things such as the true definition of love, that God IS love, that we are to love one another and the list goes on and on to even including and warning us that we are to not love the things or customs of this world. For example, 1 John 2:15 warns us, "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you".

I will admit that I often say that I love many things that are of this world- I love pizza, I love a new pair of wedges in the Spring, I love vodka sodas, I love feeling the sunshine on my face, I love baseball (just kidding, I don't love baseball), but you get it the point- love is a descriptive word that is thrown around loosely in my vocabulary when explaining my affinity for possessions or a certain lifestyle that makes me happy and improves my quality of life. I don't think that it's bad or sinful because I know in my heart that I don't love them unconditionally- never would I die for them, nor do I allow them to have control over my life or my thoughts (okay, maybe the shoes... just kidding!). Regardless, I believe that God wants us to enjoy our lives and experience love and joy for these things so long as we don't confirm to this world, allowing our love for our them to dominate our hearts, ultimately causing us to loose focus on our one true love, God.

While I will freely admit my love for things that paint a warm and happy picture, I'm not so keen on admitting that I have found myself being consumed by other matters of this world that aren't as happily depicted. Often times, we allow our thoughts and desires for things that the world says we need to have take control of our lives and dominate our hearts, consuming all of our love. For example, we allow ourselves to be in love with money, power, having a worldly beautiful body, expensive possessions and an overall perfect, quintessential life to the point that we will do anything to attain them. We stay up late at night anxiously worrying ourselves with fear of how our future is going to play out. We stay in overly stressful jobs that we don't necessarily like because we love the money it pays and the social status it provides. We starve and beat ourselves up because we obsess over having the perfect image. We do all of this because even though these thoughts and obsessions don't feel like the stereotypical heartfelt forms of being in love, we are essentially in love and are infatuated with possessions and lifestyles that are of this world and not of God. We have conformed.

I don't believe it's sinful to have goals for successful careers, financial stability, a clean bill of health and a truly wonderful, enjoyable life because God wants us to be successful in His plans for us. He wants us to experience joyfulness and happiness, while having His peace in our hearts. What He doesn't want is for us to loose sight of His plan and let our love and our anxious thoughts for ways to achieve worldly possessions or a wonderful, worldly life steal our love for Him. So when you feel yourself slipping and beginning to loose sight of what's important, remind yourself that you have the love of the Father in you. All else is secondary to that love. When we put God first in our hearts, He will transform the way we think and He will provide all of our hearts' desires.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect". Romans 12:2

 

Take delight in The Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to The  Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you. Psalms 37:4-5